The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I could make wine with my vomit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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