I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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