u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
