she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
