.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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