During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
