I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
