Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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