She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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