Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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