idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
