I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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