Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize