He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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