I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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