thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
