The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
