Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
