This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
