Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
