No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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