You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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