And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
