Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
