And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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