This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
