Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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