yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
