how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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