So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
