his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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