After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
