You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
