all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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