You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
