It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
