who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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