trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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