all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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