You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
