He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
