She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My feet surprised me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
