Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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