First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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