no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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