The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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