somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
