I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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