recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
