I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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