You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
