just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
