I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
