and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize