I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
