I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
