My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will pee on everything he values.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
