She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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