so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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