I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
