I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
