She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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