I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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