Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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