i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
