Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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