Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Farmville is her only friend.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
