I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
