Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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