You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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