I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
