Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
