so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
