3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
